Finding Contentment in this "New Normal"

I know that I am blessed...I almost lost my life and yet, three years later, here I am. Walking, working, rebuilding. I am grateful each day. I am also learning how to deal with the emotional "aftermath".... The area in which physical therapy, vestibular therapy and medical doctors fall a little short. How do I find me again? The new me. The one that lost herself that day in the ER. My parents have been incredible. Some friends have been amazing, but I lost many. Those who could not fathom the surgery, the illnesses, the complications...the duration of the journey. I have been in survival mode for so long, that I am just now beginning to understand what I have lost. Friends, physical abilities,the freedom of not planning ahead! Energy-I think I miss that the most! My friends were planning weddings and picking dresses. They are married and thinking about children. I feel stuck some days. Trapped in the world of nausea, pain, loss and still in 2008. So, I am seking input, guidance from those who I know will understand. If accepting what we have lost is the fist step to the "new normal", how do you do that? How do you finally let go of "what was" in order to get to the "what will be?" Again, I know I am blessed. I know that I have learned so much in this process. But I know that I seem to just be stuck in this spot. Maybe I'm just rambling at this point....An author (Don Piper) wrote, "Growth means we acknowledge the past, accept the present but look to the future...There must be an accepted end before there can be a new beginning. And there's usually an important gap between the two. It's the time when we try to make sense of what hit us, especially when we had no warning." Thoughts???

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Tags: New, contentment, healing, normal

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Comment by Beth Rosenthal on September 7, 2011 at 9:15pm
I'm so happy that you feel better. Me too.Amanda, you have been so open and honest about IJB and how it's helping you. Perhaps you might like to run a sponsor drive in your area. You would not only be liberating yourself, but you will be helping IJB fundraise so that we can pay the monthly expenses. I can tell you more about it if you would be willing to help. I think that you could make a fun day out of it. Let me know. Thanks.
Comment by Amanda on September 7, 2011 at 7:17pm
Hello everyone and thank you so much for responding and relating! Somehow, things always feel better/less overwhelming when you realize you're not alone! This site has been invaluable and I am inspired by everyone's journey! I love that we can process this experience together!!!!
Comment by Becky on September 6, 2011 at 10:41pm

Hello Amanda. I, too, feel the same way. I would go into more detail, but I am exhausted and have a ton of homework. But I would recommend reading "The Way of Transitions" by William Bridges. I've been reading it off and on for a while, and I find it to be extremely helpful. Although the author does use some personal experience about having to transition to his new normal after his wife dies, I found it very relatable because, in a sense, the "old us" has come to an end and we are becoming our new self (not to sound morbid or anything). Here's a quote to better describe what I mean:

 

"Transition does not require that you reject or deny the importance of your old life, just that you let go of it. Far from rejecting it, you are likely to do better with the ending if you honor the old life for all that it did for you. It got you this far. It brought you everything you have. But now - although it may be some time before you are comfortable with actually doing so - it is time for you to let go if it. Your old life is over. No matter how much you would like to continue it or rescue it or fix it, it's time to let it go."

 

Much easier said than done, but it's something to think about. And I really like your quote.

 

Becky

Comment by John on September 6, 2011 at 11:13am
Thank you Amanda. I am still coming to terms with everything and still haven't quite figured out what my new normal is. However, I feel and identify with many of the things you mentioned. Hoping we can all figure everything out together as we all move forward.

John
Comment by Beth Rosenthal on September 6, 2011 at 7:04am

Hi Amanda. I still haven't accepted my new normal. Although I've survived much longer then you, since 1986, I did not understand what was going on in my life because I was too young to get it. Now I do. And I am working so hard now to not only live chaos free (need help w/ time management and need to take advantage of my good days because I'm slow & don't always feel well , etc). I also need to learn who I am now, what I like now, what I can enjoy, even if I can't do it well. It's very frustrating to feel like I suck at sports. I want to play, run and jump since I was a dancer and gymnast years ago. I want to move again, but how do I without injuring myself?

This is all too difficult and much less isolating, finally connecting with other survivors decades later. I would just love you to be closer to me to really have connections here.

I need to get going. More on this later.

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